Before the Sabbatical
The wheels started moving long before I was aware. But I became aware back in February 2023 in Brazil. My two close girl friends and I went to Brazil during Carnival. We enjoyed partying in Rio then São Paolo. Then we could’t decide where to go. Finally on a whim, we took the FlixBus from Rio De Janeiro to Paraty. Our accommodation in Paraty arranged transportation from the town bus stop to the hostel. It was completely remote on a high elevation & mostly self sustained.
The owner was the most eccentric & nature loving person I ever met. He built the entire place himself and cooks with everything that grows around him in the forest. There is breakfast and lunch provided for the whole hostel from staff to guests. There’s a great menu for guests to order from for dinner. He tends to many açaí trees on the property and makes beer and smoothies with it. There are also day trips arranged by the hostel. We did the one with waterfalls. There’s also a great waterfall behind the hostel that a staff took us to on a hot afternoon. It was meant to be really fun girls trip in South America after my engagement and move to Europe fell through.. Little did I know…
I woke up at sunrise every morning while staying there and meditated on the platform you see in the picture. It was actually right here that I heard the calling from within. I heard this statement that came from outside but also inside me, “We will freeze our eggs and then we will head to Asia”. I had been contemplating it for sometime but never felt sure about it. It was here, in nature, as the sun rose above the horizon that I finally heard the calling inside. I remember my eyes shot open in surprise and then I closed my eyes to ease into the idea. I chuckled and said, well then you better make it easy for me to do it. And then I surrendered.
It was not until 3 months after this event that I found out I’m getting laid off with severance. So I received June - August off work but with pay and full health insurance. Around the same time my landlord decided to increase my rent by 20% to renew my lease. So instead of falling into despair, I decided to let go of everything. I had no control over anything outside of me so why try to hold onto sand in my fist? I decided to lean into my trust in the universe, and surrender. I felt deep in my core that I was being pushed by the universe to step into the next phase of my growth. I decided to focus on my egg freezing journey which was a whole thing to do completely on my own. Use the time to also logistically set up my trip with no set end date. I sold/ donated most of my furniture, and stored my things in my parents garage and my plants at my brothers place. And while doing this, I honestly felt more true to myself than I ever have before.
I felt like, I can do anything. ANYTHING. I’ve never felt so free in my entire existence that I can recall. Every choice I made in life was out of obligation or rebellion. If I see my life right now as a painting, it’s filled with strokes by my parents, my religion, my community, my extended family, my relationships, my traumas. And from time to time I’ve managed to carve out spaces to paint a bit for myself. And at this point, my existing canvas is actually pretty great.
Now, someone above just gave me primer white paint while holding the already painted canvas. And the universe says to me, I can either paint it all white and paint my canvas anew in my own way or put the primer aside and embrace the existing painted canvas moving forward.
I spent some time tapping into myself, my soul. And saw this as a reset button where I have all the choices and the resources, without the guilt, the shame, weights of others’ dreams & failures. I have all the tools I need, I just have to trust myself & re-write my life my way. Not for anyone else, but me. I have dreamed of exploring Asia without a timeline for a long time and I thought I’ll get to it one day. I feel in my gut that “one day” is here.
If I’m being completely honest, I did not plan anything at all. Every destination happened to me. I truly learned to connect with my body and trust my gut feeling. Nothing bad happened to me during the first 8 months! I received so many gifts and lessons from the universe. I came home for the summer and went back to Asia Sept 2024 again. Stayed til Feb 2025 and had to return from being severely ill. Despite that, I am still in awe of the abundance of the universe. I have received so many gifts from the Universe on this journey. I started this page to share those stories. When it closes doors it can truly be a redirection and if we chose to see, we most likely will find other doors open that we never imagined. After all, we are souls experiencing a human existence. And human existence is anything but predictable and controllable
